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July 12, 2006
Sydney: Ass-Cracks for All Ages
On the scale of someone raised in western North America, the city of
Sydney is quite old. It has many of the things I find appealing about old places: brick/cobble streets, strange nooks that an urban planner would find revolting, a spiffy iron bridge. But like most pseudo-old cities in the states it's desire to be perceived as modern has destroyed all traces of age-acquired coolness.
Were it not for the obvious difference in accent, it would be quite hard to tell Sydney apart from any other WASP town. Australian tourists and city-folk are every bit as bigoted, sexist, and xenophobic as their american counterparts, but there are a few small differences worth noting:
- As you would expect, airports, ferry stations and train depots are not easy to navigate by non-english speakers--the Aussies preferring English words to icons--they've managed to adorn their toilets with icons of unclear meaning. After being laughed at by a barkeep I discovered that the half-colored circle represents a half flush (for the proverbial "Number-One") and the fully colored circle is a full flush for good 'ol "Number-Two."
- There are some notable differences in slang.
- The small bag attached to a belt that one generally wears around his waist is called a "bum-bag." If you loose yours do not go into the pub asking if anyone's seen your "fanny pack" as the word "fanny" is a particularly vulgar slang term for a vagina.
- If you are a sports fan you do not "root" for a team. To Aussies, this is equivalent to saying "I screw for the Bronco's, how bout you?" A good-humored bartender told me a story of this happening.
Female American tourist: I root for the 49ers, how 'bout you?
Barkeep: You root for the whole team?
Tourist: Well, you can't really root for half-a-team, now can ya?
- Here you don't tip restaurant workers. You also get intensely bad service. This is less noticeable when you're busy complaining about the bad food.
- Women's fashions don't follow age categories as strictly as in the states. Clothes considered fashionable for teenagers in the US are frequently worn by Aussie women of all ages. This can have unfortunate consequences.
About a year ago in Colorado, a short-lived fad had women wearing especially low-cut pants under which you could see thong-underwear. While this might seem sexy on a magazine cover, whenever a real person dresses this way, her ass-crack is all-too-often thoroughly exposed. This is not attractive, even on an otherwise gorgeous woman.
This fad is alive and well in Sydney, except instead of being confined to those of High School and College age, women well into their forties partake. This has the regretable effect of dangling every-other woman's ass-crack for the world to see.
Overall, I would not have Sydney on my list of places you must see before you die. It's a really long flight (~14 Hours) there's not much there you couldn't do in, say, Seattle. If you're a biologist, though, you might have a different opinion.
P.S. The Opera House is cool.
Posted by james at July 12, 2006 04:46 AM
Comments
What the hell are you wearing? Cute cute! I miss you and wish we were there!
[Author's Note]
The airline left my luggage in San Francisco (Isn't there a song about that?) so I had to borrow a shirt from Joe.
It looked even sillier under the blacklight at the aquarium
[end note]
Posted by: Jodi at July 12, 2006 10:30 PM
Hey JAmes,
There is no accounting for taste, no matter where you go.
Posted by: Adrian at July 15, 2006 05:32 PM